I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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