Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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