you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
