her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
