Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
