its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
