I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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