I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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