found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
