i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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