My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
