the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
