Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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