Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
