I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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