this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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