you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
