I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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