Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
