I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Come on in and take your pants off
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