His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
