Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
