Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
