69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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