Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
