I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Man, jail baloney is awful.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
