My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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