rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
