I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
