They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
