What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
