I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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