his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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