i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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