need another drink. this is the easiest way
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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