3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
