Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
