I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
