Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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