you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
