she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
