you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
me + whiskey = a bad person
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
