It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
