i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
