dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
