people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
