Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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