I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
