I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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