Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
