we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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