he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
