The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
