Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
