I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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