He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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