About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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