My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
