FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
