I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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