This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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