just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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