can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
