woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
