One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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