i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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