i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
