Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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