Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
