My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
