Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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