Umm I'm too high to move.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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