true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
