He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
