did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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