Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think people are normalizing furries
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
